Some of my favorite quotes

So at the end of every month I have write a report for my manager updating him on what I've been working on, what I've been able to get done, etc.

A few months ago I started including a quote at the top of the report and thus have collected about four pages worth of quotes to use. I thought I'd share some of my favorites here:

• Everyone thinks I'm a hypochondriac. It makes me sick.
  - Felix Unger
  
  
• The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
  - Rita Mae Brown
  
  
• If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.
  - Norm Crosby
  
  
• Only the mediocre are always at their best.
  - Jean Giraudoux
  
  
• I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
  - Thomas Jefferson
  
  
• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone ... but they've always worked for me.
  - Hunter S. Thompson
  
  
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
  - Edgar Bergen
  
  
• One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
  - Edward Abbey
  
  
• Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
  - Isaac Asimov
  
  
• Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons.
  - R. Buckminster Fuller
  
  
• Do or do not … there is no try.
  - Jedi Master Yoda
  
  
• Going to war without France is like going deer hunting with an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage.
  - Unknown
  
  
• If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
  - George Carlin
  
  
• The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
  - George F. Will
  
  
• So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.
  - Peter Drucker
  
  
• The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish.
  - Robert Jackson
  
  
• I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
  - Tom Lehrer
  
  
• We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.
  - Edward R. Murrow
  
  
• Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
  - Edward R. Murrow
  
  
• Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
  - Bill Vaughan
  
  
• Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
  - Laurence J. Peter
  
  
• If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
  - Vince Lombardi
  
  
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  - John Benfield
  
  
• I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
  - EB White